Publisher's Note: This contribution is submitted by my wife, Lynn Deatherage, and trust me, she knows from whence she speaks. I have been a wise man to these dictums, erh, her dictums, well, the dictums of all prudent women ... Obviously, she will be reading this post.
Given the certain event that not knowing my place could invite great turmoil for me, as surely would as well for most of you, I advise all of you read and heed these wise words of advice here below. And remember, heed the signs. Live long and prosper. Spock?
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman canmake to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PUREsarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome', that will bring on a 'whatever')
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying GO TO HELL
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.
This post appears courtesy of our sister site, Beaufort County NOW, with their expressed permission.