This is the second edition of lawyer jokes from our favorite lawyer, Diane Rufino. They sure make me laugh.
Lawyer joke #1
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery.
Lawyer joke #2
What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
Lawyer joke #3
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 50,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Lawyer joke #4
What's the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Lawyer joke #5
Why does the American Bar Association prohibit sex between attorneys and their clients?
To prevent the client for being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
Lawyer joke #6
Why do they bury lawyers 27 feet under ?
Because deep, deep down, they're good people!
Lawyer joke #7
What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?
They?re both thick-skinned and short-sighted, but a lawyer charges more.
Lawyer joke #8
What's the difference between a Catfish and a lawyer?
One is a scum sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
Lawyer joke #9
What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?
Occasionally a duck will stick its bill up its ass.
Lawyer joke #10
What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A hooker will stop screwing you after you are dead.
Lawyer joke #11
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Lawyer joke #12
There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.
Lawyer joke #13
The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name.
Lawyer joke #14
It was so cold one February day in Aberdeen that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
Lawyer joke #15
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
Lawyer joke #16
An anxious 15 year old girl comes home from school. Mum, she asks tentatively, can you get pregnant from anal sex? Don't be silly of course you can, replies her mother, where do you think lawyers come from?
Lawyer joke #17
Did you hear about the bus load of lawyers that went off a cliff?
Wow, talk about mixed emotions.
Lawyer joke #18
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.
This post appears courtesy of our sister site, Beaufort County NOW, with their expressed permission.