Better Angels Now » Bobby Tony takes a DNA test and the results are not surprising

    I have my fingerprints on file with the federal, state and local authorities mainly due to a disagreement with the draft board in 1967. I still maintain to this day that I did not put that envelope with my name on it at the bottom of the pile of trash in the dump but Officer Obie just did not believe me.

    I made it point to show my son the Movie "Smokey and The Bandit" when he became a teenager. I told him they filmed the movie in Georgia and he would enjoy it. He did but grew weary of me quoting one of my favorite lines from the film when he got in trouble. He is over 30 now and the quote had been a joke in our family for years. He even used it once on me in reverse a couple of times. Here is the quote which contains some slightly rough language.

    When both my children were born, I had a Dekalb County Police friend and he gave me several of the fingerprint cards from the jailhouse. I made prints of the whole family. It did not start as a joke but just a precaution in case something bad happened and identification was required. I still have the cards and thankfully have never had to use them except a joke.

    When Maury started the DNA testing on TV (I have never made it through a compete show) it became a cause celeb.

   When the OJ trial showed how a good lawyer can turn what appears to be solid evidence into a false positive or negative or whatever the heck it was, I was reminded that nothing in Science or life is incontrovertible. The family was on a cruise ship at the time and my son was only fourteen so he could have cared less about the trial. However, boys grow up and eventually what you say in the past can come back to haunt you later.

    One time when I launched into my "Ain't now way" speech, he calmly held up his hand and said, "If it does not fit, you must acquit." Ka-Ching. The Grasshopper bites back at the Master Po.

    As I age and the tables have turned, I thought I would get a DNA test just to prove some of my points. Well the results are in and two things stand out.

• Bobby Tony was born without the "Give a crap gene".
• Bobby Tony was born without the "Matching Clothes gene".

    The rest of the results are not conclusive and I have plans to hire Barry C. Scheck to contest those results.